Now, as I’m sure you’re all wondering, is my thesis finished yet? No, no it’s not. Why? I don’t know. I have approached today with high hopes, only for them to get winded, cough several times, and trudge along this journey called senior year. A good friend recently commented, “It seems like you’ve been working on it forever.” In response to that I can only think that it really does feel like forever and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing still.
So, what is it that I do when I feel utterly incompetent and lost? I turn in 21 pages of my writing and hope that something sensical lies between the letters and the panic. I can see myself coming into the final stages – call me supercilious, but I don’t normally exceed three drafts for any given writing project. Yet for whatever reason, whether it is a product of my own insecurities or just a fatigue of ideas, this thesis seems to be dragging on forever. I struggle to think of how this could be prolonged over an entire semester, though perhaps that timeframe would not inspire such feelings of haphazard frenzy as I have encountered in the past two weeks.
There are thus several morals to this story: first, do not leave all of your work to the last minute. I tell myself the same thing every time I come to a large project, and only follow my advice about half of the time. Priorities? Well, as to the second moral, I have a tendency to work in a type of organized chaos, and not approaching this research with a stronger outline to begin with was slightly to my detriment. Perhaps it is the nature of being an undergraduate, but I would prefer beginning the whole writing process with my research. On the other hand, that might just be because I like to talk, and writing is just as good as talking – perhaps better, because I can do it with myself without making myself seem strange out in public.
I’ve probably learned more from this whole experience than I would rather fit into one post, or maybe ever; I might just wax poetically about it, like I did here. Granted, I will likely learn more things as I genuinely reach the end. For now, the final moral would be honesty. I am not referring to academic honesty here, though that is something you should already be aware of. (Don’t plagiarize, kids!)
No, by honesty, I mean that in pursuing anything, be honest with yourself. Sometimes we have a tendency to convince ourselves that we are engaging in some pursuit or another either for more noble reasons than we really are, or for reasons that are the result of denial on some other underlying score. It sounds schmaltzy, but to be “honest,” my work turns out a lot better when I’m realistic about why I’m doing it and how I want it to turn out.
